The best husbands and fathers embrace the sacrifices they’re called to make.
The most fortunate sometimes find themselves getting even more from their families in return, especially when times are tough.
Joe Harasymiak is one of the lucky ones.
Harasymiak knows being the head coach at UMass means his wife, Brittany, has to serve as the head coach of their family, “which is the most important thing.”
“She kind of runs the show, I’m kind of an assistant coach there,” Harasymiak said on Monday.
“The lifestyle that they have to live without getting any help usually; for her raising two kids by herself. Really doing everything; driving to school, driving to practice, waking them up, feeding them, she never really gets a break.”
Harasymiak’s first season as UMass head coach tested him in ways he probably didn’t anticipate when he accepted the job. The Minutemen lost every game and were ranked by most as literally the worst team in the country.
For Harasymiak, there was no escaping the responsibility that came with that. He was the head coach. The losses belonged to everyone inside the program, but ultimately his job was to fix it.
When he went home, though, he wasn’t the head coach of a winless football team. He was a husband and Dad.
Throughout the miserable season, Harasymiak consistently referenced the support he was receiving from his wife. At one point, he acknowledged how grateful he was for her simply reminding him that he hadn’t forgotten how to coach.
For a coach who had experienced plenty of success before arriving at UMass, suddenly, no matter how hard he or his staff worked or how strongly he believed in what they were building, game days kept providing the same result.
His wife didn’t need those results to tell her who her husband was or whether he could coach.
His daughters offered a different type of support. Following one particularly painful loss, Harasymiak acknowledged that all he wanted to do was go home and be Dad.
It was the kind of comment that got lost in the immediate aftermath of yet another defeat, but one that provided a glimpse of emotions impossible to fake.
Any dad listening could relate to the thought of coming home after a terrible day to children who were simply happy he was there and the boost their excitement can provide without them even realizing it.
But Harasymiak also realized his daughters weren’t completely insulated from what was happening each week.
“You always have the embarrassment of facing them because they’ve got your last name,” he said. “They’re in the local schools, they’re around, people know.”
Last week, they finally got to experience the other side of it.
They didn’t make the trip to Piscataway for UMass’ 37-21 victory over Rutgers on Thursday night, but Brittany kept the girls up past their bedtime on a school night to watch.
The family FaceTimed from the winning locker room.
“That was pretty special,” said Harasymiak, who coached for the Scarlet Knights for three seasons before taking the job in Amherst.
“It was funny, my youngest daughter was kind of in conflict before the game. She didn’t know who she wanted to win, Rutgers or UMass. So we got over that, which was good.”
Still, the reminders of how much of family responsibilities fall on wives showed up in no time.
“I’m sure their Friday experience at drop off was a little bit better than it’s normally been,” Harasymiak said.
“I was not there for it. I was here.”
The following day did finally offer the chance to enjoy some of what Thursday had provided. UMass was off and Harasymiak was able to spend the day with his family.
“Saturday was just a great day to kind of relax with them, get back and just enjoy those moments,” he said. “I’ve got to do a better job of that and of enjoying the time off and those things, but certainly getting a chance to do it off a win is special.”
The ups and downs of being the wife and children of a college football head coach remain, but last week they were able to share their first real high as members of the UMass community.
His wife never needed a final stats sheet to remind her what caliber of coach her husband was. A scoreboard will never determine how excited his daughters are to see their dad. But after everything his family gave him during his first year at UMass, it had to be pretty sweet to have that scoreboard finally give them a reason to celebrate.
And when Harasymiak looks back on how he survived that first season, he credits his wife.
“She’s my rock. She’s everything to me. She’s really the reason I made it through last year, to be honest with you.”
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